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I went to the doctor and said "I've got a problem inside of my left ear" He said "Are you sure?" I said "I'm definite"

A North Korean soldier walks into a bar The landlord asks, "How's it going?" The North Korean soldier replies, "Can't complain!"

I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window." He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window." I said, "You do now."

An undercover cop called at a farm... “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said. “By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, the farmer replied. The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the f..k I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”...

Today I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not happy.

In the old days of the Soviet Union, a factory worker has managed to save enough to buy a new Lada. So he goes to the showroom and orders his car. When all the formalities are completed, he asks the salesman how long for delivery. 'Six years', says the salesman. 'Six years? Morning or...

Hard to disagree but the one that strikes my memory most is Stukas, maybe because i see it so often :D

Back over there in October , looking forward to the evenings , Trappist monk and delerium . Last time we had to have the hotel door opened for us because we couldn't master it on our return :oops:

My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out. I can't read a ****ing word now.

:D :D :D :D

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late, I've already started the paperwork."